Networking Isn’t a Dirty Word
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You know what I figured out a few years ago?
Networking isn’t a dirty word.
It doesn’t have to feel cringe, yucky, salesly, gross, smarmy – just a few of the choice words some of my clients have used to describe how they feel about networking – just this week alone.
In fact, I believe we can reclaim networking as the single greatest tool to build meaningful work relationships, to drive big and small connections and to land whatever it is you want.
Did I just blow your mind?
If you already knew all that, welcome to the networking champion corner. Help me convince someone you know that they, too, can reclaim the dirty word they think is networking by sharing this with them.
And if you didn’t know all of that – if you’re in the camp as my clients, thinking that networking is ugh, a big no thank you, please stick around so we can break this down together.
Raise your hand if, when you hear the word networking, you immediately think of a hotel ballroom or cramped side room off a local bar where people in dark suits with name tags awkwardly mill around with their single-drink-ticket-issued watered down cocktail with the express purpose of meeting just one person to say they did it.
Or maybe you think of the person that repeatedly reaches out to “pick your brain” about something that you’ve taken years to learn, experience, perfect – and you’re over it?
Or or – maybe it’s the hundreds of cold LinkedIn messages that bombard your inbox, likely selling something (or about to ask the “pick your brain” question from above)?
If those feel weirdly specific, it’s because this is what I used to think about networking.
But a few years ago, I made a heavy shift and reclaimed the word, making it fit for me.
Now, networking takes on several different forms.
And the MOST important part?
Networking. Never. Stops.
I’m always networking, because I’m always finding ways to meet new people, elevate existing relationships, and drive connections to help myself and others in ways that feel authentic.
I have never heard someone tell me that they wish they hadn’t networked so much.
But I hear ALL THE TIME, “gosh, I wish I had started networking sooner. My network feels so cold / outdated / unhelpful.”
If that’s you, keep reading for 2 ways I reclaimed networking and what you can you do right now to reclaim it for yourself.
Meet 100 people in 3 months
In 2023, a few months before I left my last full time organizational position, I challenged myself to meet 100 new people in Q1.
My departure was imminent and I knew that meeting new people was going to be one of my biggest challenges in entrepreneurship. I’m a people person and in today’s virtual world, I have to work very hard to meet new people IRL.
For me, my challenge to meet 100 new people wasn’t really about making deep connections.
Only about 20 of those initial 100 are people am I still connected with today. But the numbers game got me thinking about saying YES more when opportunities to meet new people came up.
I also used the challenge as a way to cut through awkward first impressions.
Sharing about my 100 person challenge was always a firestarter, getting people talking about the experience, making new connections for me, and otherwise celebrating doing something hard and rewarding.
Reverse Networking
We’ve all spent our whole lives making connections. Notably, real relationships were formed for me in high school, college, grad school, early and mid-career.
Just because I don’t talk to many of those people every day doesn’t diminish the original connection.
I’ve come to find that the spark that made me think those friends and acquaintances were cool once upon a time has only gotten stronger. They are often even cooler adults than they were as younger people.
(Sure, my cynical reader, it can work both ways, but for the sake of the reclaiming of networking, let’s look for the people who are still like-spirited and enjoyable to be around.)
You know I always like to leave you with the tactical bits. Here’s what I suggest you do.
Step 1: Reverse Networking – Make your list
Take time to think back about people you felt most connected to in your past that you don’t talk to much anymore.
Decide how much you want to dial in your strategic efforts, which depends on how much time you want to invest in this process.
If you see networking as a rolling process and job change is nowhere on your horizon, play with Reverse Networking as a way to reconnect with anyone and everyone that you used to know, like and value.
If networking is an immediate means to a new position, be strategic about choosing former connections that are in companies, roles or industries that you want to know more about.
Step 2: Reverse Networking – Make Your Reach Out
Decide on the best way to connect with your selected former connection and reach out. Keep it short, explain why you thought of them, specifically, and tell them how you’d like to connect (say, a virtual coffee date). Don’t overthink it.
Sure, there will be times you’ll never hear back from these messages, either out of choice on your connection’s behalf or because messaging apps don’t work for everyone.
I’ve never had a person I reach out to in this way say they wish they hadn’t heard from me. 100% of the time I’ve heard some iteration of “no one does this; I’m so glad you reached out; it’s so great to reconnect.”
Step 3: Reverse Networking – Make It Personal, NOT Transactional
Don’t assume you know everything going on with someone because you’re connected on social media, or that they know everything about you.
And don't start with your big ask.
Monitor your time in the conversation so you leave room for sharing respectively about each of your lives to date, as well as work on both sides. This first conversation may not include anything about work prospects, which helps keep this from being a transactional conversation with an end point.
Listening is going to be your greatest tool – you’re listening for new connection points.
• What’s important for and to this person now?
• Are there ways you can support what’s most important for them?
• Are there ways that their professional or personal interests align with yours or who you know in your network?
Step 4: Reverse Networking – Keep the End in Mind
Think about your conversation wrap-up plan ahead of time and what you want to happen next. No one likes an awkward end to a great conversation.
If you promise to make connections within each of your networks, talk about how you’ll share those and by when. Then follow through!
If you had a great time chatting and know you want to meet again, tell them you’ll be in touch next week/month/quarter with an invite.
And if this was a one-and-done conversation, graciously thank them for their time and keep rolling.
When Networking is Rolling
Steps 3 & 4 above are for any type of networking, be it reverse, new professional connections or the random ones that happen on the soccer field at little league or from a thread on a slack channel of like-minded professionals.
The advantage of starting with people you used to know is that there’s often a built in trust factor already there. This is a great playground to try out answers to questions like:
• What are you doing now?
• What do you want to be doing?
• If I could help you with anything, what would that be?
Get some networking practice before you meet up with people on your “chicken list” - the connections with closer proximity to your dream job/client/organization, for example. With some initial practice, you'll feel more polished, confident and clear about what you’re best at and what you want to do next.